I saw a man today, that I had seen before.
I was walking with my daughter having the end of a smoke. He walked up to me and I knew he would ask for a light – I offered him the end of my fag, as I had no lighter.
He looked bedraggled, somewhat forlorn, kinda twitchy – a bit stoned maybe…but polite and happy.
A young man.
Today as I dropped my son off – I saw a man walking past the school with a sleeping bag over his shoulders.
I pointed him out to my eldest daughter – and said – I wonder what his story is?
I turned to look as we drove past him, it was the same man.
Well built, strong looking, a spring in his step.
‘I swear if I bump into that guy in town I am going to sit him down and ask to hear his tale’.
My daughter just laughed saying, ‘You should do that!’
I dropped off the two girls and had to go put fuel in for the hours drive home…to think about what my next steps on this journey would be.
The cashier told me my card was expired. It is not. Must be faulty. Take name, number (they know me so know I won’t run)
Parked my car at the park – paid and walked to the bank… with no ID… tomorrows job I thought to myself.
Strolling along back to the car, wondering why I should hurry along, I passed one of the fancy mom’s from the preschool who pained to greet me…I looked in shop windows for part time work…it would mean not having to drive home everyday.
It made sense. Sad – logical – dead-end sense.
He was sitting at a coffee shop…sipping – and having a smoke…broad smile on his face.
He did not see me… I walked on with a knot in my stomach. A knot that I know quite well.
I walked slowly. There were a LOT of people around. WHY would I go sit opposite this young man who was seemingly homeless.
‘What would my husband think if someone sees me and tells him I was sitting with another man?’
‘Would he believe me if I told him why?’
Small town – small people… small lives… small things make a difference.
I ached when I sat in my car.
I turned it on and drove…nearly turned back…continued to drive… and drove…and drove.
I could have just stopped off and given him some company. I had the time. I could have given. He could have taught me something.
When I reached home – He had taught me something.
I cannot be scared to be who I am any more…
I cannot let the world nor anyone else dictate to me…who I will be and what I will do with my life.
I have to follow that knot that tells me I am walking away from who I am through fear-
I know the rules, I know what I am, I know why I am, I know whom I abide in, and next to, and for.
I know my loyalties and my weakness.
I know my strengths – time to use them for whatever reason they were given -